Seven reasons it’s great to be bald

For thousands of years, bald men have been the subject of ridicule, as this episode of the Seriously… podcast explores. As a result, many have resorted to measures to hide their condition (think professional footballers and miraculous, but expensive, proceeding hairlines). For some it’s out of their control, for others it’s a statement. But are bald men finally able to shed the stigma?

Yes, because it’s great to be bald.

Studies have shown that bald men are seen by many to have better leadership potential, to be more assertive and more powerful. Others suggest they appear to be more intelligent, more educated and more honest. Okay, we haven’t had a bald Prime Minister since Clement Attlee. But, there’s Lenin, Putin, Gandhi, Churchill…

Think the terrible, terrible perms of the 1970s. Think Brit Pop and the Caesar (or Nero) haircut – in fact, think Tony Blair’s two weeks of the brushed-forward hair look in 1997. Rest assured, with your scalp on show, you never have to look at old pics and cringe. Well, apart from the clothing choices, obviously…

Remember the story of Aeschylus? Well, in 455 BC, the ancient Greek tragedian, often known as the Father of Tragedy, died when a tortoise was dropped on his head by an eagle. The bird had mistaken his smooth pate for a rock suitable for shattering the reptiles shell. Or so the story goes. Okay, maybe not the best way to go, but it’s gone down in history…

Bruce Willis, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, Woody Harrelson, Samuel L Jackson, Ben Kingsley, Patrick Stewart… the list goes on. Enjoy the freedom of taking on another role and watch the nominations come rolling in.

From Dara Ó Briain to Harry Hill, baldness has always been a comedy tool. Morecombe and Wise had a ten-minute sketch based purely on Eric wearing a wig in “You can’t see the join”. Okay, sometimes it’s a little mocking… but, when embraced, follicle foibles can be a golden ticket. As Don Maclean said: “I could go to a fancy-dress ball dressed as a roll-on deodorant.”

With approximately 30 percent of men being affected by hair loss by the age of thirty, it’s no wonder you see bald guys at the top of every sport. Michael Jordan, Zinedine Zidane, Mo Farah. And it’s well known that swimmers go to extreme hair-removal lengths before they get in the pool. Okay, so it’s actually to also remove the thin layer of dead skin cells that coat the outer layer of the epidermis, but a bald head certainly speeds up the process!

Plus, you’ll spend less time in the shower. Shampooing, conditioning, brushing, blow-drying, straightening, curling… what a laborious task. Own your dome and pocket the cash. And save time and the planet one wash at a time.

So grab a helmet, protect yourself from the elements and embrace your baldness. And check out The Bald Truth from the Seriously… podcast.