First day on Good News

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This is from a few weeks back, but it's the funniest thing I've read for a while...
Headline: Germans Declare Jaffa Cake War
"A german firm has thrown down the gauntlet to the classic British Jaffa Cake"
They go on to challenge each other with shapes...with the german firm sporting the phrase "The future is oblong", with the Brits fighting back with the standard ritual or eating a jaffa cake by "eating around the jam centre".
To finish off, we are told that the jaffa CAKE needed a court case to prove that despite being called CAKE, it was definitely a CAKE not a biscuit, but a CAKE.
I found this all hilarious. Hope you do too.

Sam, Newport

The story here isn't the actual news report itself, it's more the reactions that I thought were kinda funny:

https://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/search/display.var.2531268.0.lifetime_bans_in_student_bar_prank.php

Plus being a student at the uni, I can safely say the actual event was waaaaay worse that the newspapers know! x

Headline: Train drags German mooner half naked along tracks

A German man mooning at railway staff in a departing train got his trousers caught in a carriage door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform, out of the station and onto the tracks.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20091012/tsc-oukoe-uk-germany-bottom-011ccfa.html

After the German's lost the war, this German is REALLY p*ssed!

Thanks,

Ryan H.

Belfast, NI

This is one the BBC news website and it goes as follows:

Headline: Cat Registered as Hypnotherapist

The regulation of hypnotherapists in the UK is so lax that even a cat can become accredited, the BBC has found.

Chris Jackson, presenter of Inside Out in the North East and Cumbria, registered pet George with three industry bodies.

It follows a similar investigation by an American clinical psychologist.

Dr Steve Eichel suspected industry bodies in the US were not running checks on their members.

In the UK, George (the cat) was registered with the British Board of Neuro Linguistic Programming (BBNLP), the United Fellowship of Hypnotherapists (UFH) and the Professional Hypnotherapy Practitioner Association (PHPA).

A PHPA spokesman said the organisation makes great effort to ensure every applicant is a fully-qualified hypnotherapist.

Hope this helps,
Kathryn F, Warwickshire

This made me giggle.
https://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20091014/tuk-driver-charged-for-splashing-school-45dbed5.html
Hope you like it
Poppy, Leicester

This I found quite chuckle-worthy.

Stripping woman fails to avoid jerky arrest

A woman's attempt to avoid arrest over shoplifting some beef jerky proved ineffective, as it turned out that stripping in front of policemen won't stop them from arresting you.

https://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Stripping_woman_fails_to_avoid_jerky_arrest&in_article_id=750907&in_page_id=2

Hey Russell i hope you read this. I don't know if you have heard about Tim Minchin he is a comedy singer person so basically GOD and he has many songs one being the peace song for the Palestinians but also environmental songs like canvas bag also I am watching you perform in wembley arena in December right at the very back as they where the only seats left but totally worth it and I have been asking comedians such as murcus bridgestock and Russell Kane and Tim minchin what the opposite to opposite is and got some interesting answers so check tim out and make a shout out to Nick Saunders at the wembley gig please

Thanks a lot hope i make the cut

Yahoo news,'Baby born to woman in coma'.

All these years women have been claiming that childbirth is the most difficult and painful thing in the world. Turns out that you can do it in your sleep.


I saw an advert for Pizza Hut that said, "Now, order with your iphone"

I thought to myself, i can do that with my old Nokia, this is due to the fact that it is a PHONE...

Msn today: "Scrubs Star denies suicide in online video"

Now don't get me wrong I'm no Lawyer, but this guy has a pretty strong case.

I have the solution to the postal strikes,
Pay them by cheque and send it by post.

I'm so worried - I don’t know what to do now postmen have voted to stage a national strike.

If only scientists could invent a way for us to use computers to send mail electronically over the internet

I was walking through Covent Garden when a god-botherer jumped out at one of my friends and shouted "God loves you" to which my friend replied "does he love my boyfriend as well?"

I laughed so much I walked into a lamp-post.

Sam, Hatfield

hi,i read this and thought it was great,an old hippy gets her pot plant stolen and rings the police,i hope she gets it back the crazy old stoner.
it was in metro:
In a further example of how some people haven't quite grasped what it is the police do, a woman called the cops to report the fact that her marijuana plants had been stolen.
According to police the 54-year-old woman from Brant Township in Michigan called authorities after two men broke into her home, and demanded her crop of marijuana.

According to Detective Sgt. Randy F. Pfau, the woman claimed the two men fled after taking the plants.

Leona Lewis "punched" at book signing.

I wonder if she will stop bleeding?

Chuck Norris won an award today.

Kanye West sat politely in his seat.

I found the fact that America was allowing a business to be formed around bulletproof vests, I mean if gang violence isn't bad enough. There will be all out wars on the street. And the word "fashionable" came into the video also, a fashionable and descrete bulletproof vest. That sort of stuff is meant to be kept for wars. If America didn't have the "right to bare arms" rule then surely there would be a dramatic decrease in this anyway.
Anyway my point is, is that the US of A is really clutching at straws in its bid to stop gang warface and killings because of gangs. I personally think there will be more severitys than America has already.
Anyway, for those who want it the link is below.
https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/33325465

You must do something, anything, on Leona Lewis getting punched. I mean, whoever did that is a god amongst men. For weeks she tortured us with her 'music', she deserved it, she really really did.

Guy Ritchie says of Madonna, I love her but she's (expletive deleted) I have to be careful you know. Seriously the rest of us don't love her and we think she's (same expleive deleted). Cant wait for the show.
https://www.nme.com/news/madonna/47739

Could do something about how many times people blink during a sentence. *COUGH*RUSSELL*COUGH*

whatch this a news reporter in america goes wrong

[Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]

Recently a law has been passed in Oklahoma which states:

"Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to
congregate in groups of three or more on private property."

And also...

A Mississippi high school student says
she is fighting to get her picture in the yearbook after
officials rejected it because she wore a tuxedo. Ceara
Sturgis of Wesson, a senior at Wesson Attendance Center,
said officials rejected her senior portrait because she
chose to wear a tuxedo for the picture instead of tradit-
ional feminine clothing, WLBT-TV, Jackson, Miss., report-
ed Thursday. “It makes me feel I’m not important enough.
Like just because I’m wearing a tux I can’t be in my
senior yearbook. It’s like I never even went there. That’s
my yearbook. This is my senior year and I’m not gonna be
able to be in there because I’m wearing a tux. I don’t
think it matters what we’re wearing” said Sturgis, who
is openly gay. A Copiah County School District spokes-
woman said yearbook photo decisions are left up to the
principal. Principal Ronald Greer declined to comment.
Sturgis’ mother, Veronica Rodriguez, said she has hired
an attorney to help get her daughter’s picture in the
yearbook.

Finally,

We have all heard of tin foil hats, those worn by the UFO
and CIA mind-control conspiracy theorists. This woman in
Allentown, Pennsylvania, however, has taken the idea to a
new extreme.

To be fair, Elizabeth Feudale-Bowes does not thing that her
subconscious mind is being subtly influenced by carefully
tuned electro-magnetic radiation, she does, however, think
that her mind and body are being poisoned by the toxins of
modern life and technology. And her solution? To lock her-
self in a galvanized steel and porcelain shed outside her
house.

Feudale-Bowes, 52, says she was diagnosed several years ago
with “environmental illness,” described as extreme sensitiv-
ity to everyday substances. Some doctors question whether
environmental illness is a genuine physical disorder and
suggest it is psychological.

Feudale-Bowes says fabric softener, nail polish, perfume,
new sneakers, upholstery and many other items can make her
body go haywire. She says she has suffered from a range of
chronic ailments, including migraines, joint pain, bladder
inflammation, seizures and temporary paralysis. Her insides,
she says, have sometimes felt like “fire with ground glass
in it.”

The box, which she locks herself into for up to ten hours
a day, protects her from these environmental hazards, she
says.

The city, on the other hand, says it violates zoning rules.
After complains by neighbors in this suburb of Allentown, a
local judge has ordered the structure be removed.


Comedy gold.

Emily, Derby x

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This is my favourite bit of news ever.
"‘100% sexy’ Tory dumped by party"

https://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?%91100%25_sexy%92_Tory_dumped_by_party&in_article_id=740641&in_page_id=34

I came to see the show last night, v. good stuff ;)

Go onto "Google" and simply type in "I like to" but don't search. As you know, Google will try to finish that sentance with a few suggestions. Have a look at those Suggestions. Google seems to think that the most common sentance starting with "I like to" is
"I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur" also, about 8-10 suggestions down, it says
"I like to think of Jesus as a mischeivious badger"

Now if thats not hilarious and strange, I don't know what is!

Yesterday night I was at my friend's birthday party.
This morning, my question to my friend was 'How drunk was I?'
I just got a text message back saying 'you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes'
Oh God.

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Solution found to fattest man problem story- jenny,bristol

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I thought the pic in this news article was quite funny
https://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?Meet_the_ponies_who_cant_stop_laughing&in_article_id=756402&in_page_id=34

Seema, West london

This made me giggle too

https://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Giant_seagull_invades_live_TV_news_report&in_article_id=756256&in_page_id=2

Seema , west london

[imghttps://mole45.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/brown_2dcameron_1407480a.jpg%5B/img]


thought you may find this amusing lol
jen,bristol

[img]https://pribek.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/barack.jpg%5B/img]

jenny,bristol.

Russ !! If you had the power to change something, what would you change and why?

woo, thank yooou! that would make my day :) my name is jenny btw, from bristol :)

alsoplease can you tell him im the girl who met him at his dvd recording at bristol hippodrome and gave him the box of chocs, (see if he remembers me) thank you :)

https://twitpic.com/khe0v

Link to an old funny little article :)

Michael
Lancashire

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