Learning English

Jo
Oh hi, are you Daniel?

Daniel
Yes, I am Daniel. Are you Jo?

Jo
Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you.

Daniel
Lovely to meet you too, Jo. How are you?

Jo
Yeah, good.

Daniel
Oh God, can you smell that? What is that?

Jo
No, is it the food?

Daniel
I could smell her coming. When we shook hands, her hands were really oily. It was a little bit… yeah, it was quite strange.

Jo
Erm, so I’m gonna get, erm… I’m just gonna go straight in for burgers. You have to order your chips separately. It’s a bit annoying, but they’re really good.

Daniel
Shall we share a salad?

Jo
I’m not that fussed about salad, but like crack on by all means.

Daniel
OK.

Jo
Yeah.

Daniel
Coleslaw?

Jo
Yeah, I might put some in the bur… yeah actually, let’s get salad and coleslaw and I could put some in with my burgers.

Daniel
In with the burgers.

Jo
Yeah, adds to the texture.

Daniel
Oh God, that went all over the table, erm…

Jo
Erm, so

Daniel
Oh sorry, I think you actually just got a little bit on me.

Jo
Oh here, do you want to use my tissue?

Daniel
Yeah, OK. Thanks.

Jo
I just used it once.

Daniel
Oh God, that’s really sticky.

Daniel
Not really for me if I’m honest. Her personal hygiene was… it was pretty gross.

Jo
So what do you do Daniel? Tell me about yourself.

Daniel
I…

Jo
I’m just gonna… sorry I’m just gonna… you’ve got a bit of erm… Burger on your plate I’m gonna… Here, try some of this?

Daniel
Oh.

Jo
This is really nice. Here, here, yeah… open wide, open wide, great.

Daniel
It’s really salty.

Jo
Yeah, it’s nice to have… well seasoned.

Daniel
What, the lettuce?

Jo
Yeah, so what do you…what is it that you do again Daniel? I can’t remember if you told me or not.

Daniel
I work in advertising actually.

Jo
Wow, fancy. Yeah, what does that mean?

Daniel
We work with lots of different accounts. We have… we work with an Italian restaurant chain. We actually have a brand of tissues as well.

Jo
Really?

Daniel
Yeah, which you might be interested in.

Jo
Oh.

Daniel
It did not. She dropped a burger on the floor, and picked it up and carried on eating – midway through the date.

Daniel
Ooh, delicious, yeah.

Jo
I’m just gonna ask to get some mayo and ketchup and stuff cos I like all the sauces.

Daniel
Well, we’ve got two bottles.

Jo
Oh, OK. Cool. Let me just…

Daniel
Oh, God…

Jo
Waste not, want not.

Daniel
Ooh, but that fell on the floor.

Jo
It’s alright. I’m sure it’s clean.

Daniel
I was gonna say actually, you've got… You also have a little bit on your face.

Jo
…there?

Daniel
Er… yeah, and on the other side.

Jo
Yeah.

Daniel
It’s all over.

Jo
It’s quite charming though, isn’t it? Kind of endearing, isn’t it? That’s I’ve got food all over my face.

Daniel
Kind of, kind of…

Daniel
There won’t be a second date, no. There most certainly won’t.