Hello! Welcome back.

You probably will find it quite hard to read this text at the moment, as your eyeballs and internal organs will have been near-liquidated by a phenomenon which is best described using the words of a certain oriental mystic - Kung Fu Panda - as "pure awesomeness", for which there is no charge.

It might be an idea to avoid some of the longer words for a while, give your vision a moment to settled down. And for the same reason, I'd lay off watching the video to 'The Captain', in case your already jellificated eardrums suddenly start dripping off your lobes and onto your shoulders.

In the meantime, here are some nice gentle healing words that you can read quietly, and maybe whisper to yourself in the dark once you have committed them to memory:

Spongy

Murmur

Tortoise

Yellow

Mumbled

Flannel

Banana

Snuffle

Corky

There, a few days of that and you'll be right as rain.

Don't you worry about 'The Captain' in the meantime, it'll keep. It's out a week on Monday, and it's very good. Kind of how a sea shanty would sound if its louder moments had been given a bunch of extra welly from the addition of a brass section, and a full orchestra, and a rock band with lots of enormous amplifiers.

In your current state, you couldn't take it. Don't even try.

(Here's the video, for when you're feeling better, assuming you don't mind the sight of a man pretending to be whipped.

Also, isn't it funny how, when bands do a video set in the pre-electric era, they use old guitars? Old, semi-acoustic, and very much still-powered-by-electricity guitars, that is.

To the sea-faring men of the 1600s, a semi-acoustic guitar from the '50s and an iPhone are exactly the same brand of witchcraft.)

OK, off to sleep with you. I'll check back in an hour or so...

Download: Out now
CD Released: October 26th
www.biffyclyro.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)