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Cascada - 'Evacuate The Dancefloor'

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:59 UK time, Thursday, 2 July 2009

CascadaThis is not a good week to be trying to make an impact in the singles chart. I don't want to give away any secrets about who is where in the mid-week charts so far - and indeed I won't - but let's just say that some new releases are doing OK against the sudden onslaught of Michael Jackson songs, and some are not.

What you would be well advised to do, in fact, is listen to this week's chart rundown - Sunday afternoon, 4:00pm, Radio 1, as well you know - with the idea that anyone who has managed to outsell a Michael Jackson song this week has probably reached the equivalent of a Madonna-level of chart success on any other week, and should therefore be treated as some kind of musical royalty - a stand-in King of Pop, if you like.

As I said, nothing will be revealed here, except to say Cascada are possibly due some sort of jewelled hat. That is all.

(Here's the video. You will note that no-one is attempting to evacuate anything, the fools.)

Not that the Cascs exist outside of things which are happening in the news. Why, most of the lyrics to this song are a spoof on the swine flu panic, only in Cascadaworld, The Music is so infectious it could actually kill someone. That's an important safety tip there, and one we should all take seriously.

In fact, the immense catchiness and aural pleasure, contained within the mutated DNA of this song - it's basically a 'Waking Up In Vegas' style riff-rocker, done on synths, with a rubbish guest rapper - act in much the same way as a vaccine does. These elements are like a little dose of some virulent pox, which your immune system can easily fight off. This then trains the white blood cells to come down hard and heavy on any future germs which find their way into your bloodstream.

So for every time you get your rave on to this, it will not only provide a thrilling backdrop to some hot dancefloor action, it will also protect you from a painful death, by some dreadful beat lurgey or other.

The next Girls Aloud single will come out, or a new Akon hit, or maybe even something by Lady GaGa, and, rather than fall prey to a sweaty fever, one which risks your very existence, you'll just smile a bit and tap one foot.

This, then, is possibly why Cascada will succeed where lesser acts fail, they're the Tamiflu of pop. Facemasks at the ready.

Three starsDownload: Out now
CD Released: June 29th
https://www.cascadamusic.de
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

MuuMuse says: "This is hands down the best 'Just Dance' cover I've ever heard."
Sweet MuZik says: "The addition of a rapper does harken back to those 'he raps, she sings' songs of the 90's"
Dark Aeon says: "All that is needed is for someone to create a version with sirens!"

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