#donkey #stable #shepherd #bethlehem

Updating the primary school nativity play

#virginbirth is trending, the first selfie with the new-born has gone viral. Gabriel’s updating his Snapchat story every thirty seconds…

And lo! The three Kings saw a star in the East. They were uncertain and did quake, and did say “let’s look again for more stars as who trusts anything with just one star?

But the Star said unto them “look, I may only be one star, but I have a shedload of followers, and one of them knows Stephen Fry.”

The star grew brighter and they knew not what it was. They didst ask Google and Google sayeth it was either a meteorite or Bette Midler and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But the star was persistent and bright and said it would take them to the Stable where they would see something even Facebook had not caught on to yet. The Kings didst suffer with FOMO and did think right, let’s follow it because YOLO, right? Plus it will make an awesome Instagram pic when we finally catch up with it.

They programmed the CamelNav which was difficult as they were unsure which way was North and they did not have a postcode. They did dispute amongst themselves when the CamelNav tried to send them through the centre of Huddersfield, but then they saw their route clearly (no tolls, avoiding the A5) and they did commence their journey.

One of the Kings did decide to vlog the whole trip and became angry when he dropped his selfie-stick and his camel didst tread on it. But the other kings did shout “Hurrah verily now we can get a move on without listening to you talking to yourself.”

Another King was sore afraid that the myrrh he had ordered was going to turn up at home and there would be no-one in to receive it. But lo, on the very horizon, they did see a white van careering along driven by he who is called Dean. And Dean didst say “You’re on a bit of a trek here, innit” and did give them the myrrh once they had signed with the wrong end of a pen on the scribbly electronic pad of he who is called Dean. And the King with the myrrh was very proud and didst say ‘See, I told you you should have ordered online” and the other two Kings pushed him off his camel and he didst land on his myrrh and squash it.

And they harkened to the CamelNav which announced the Kings had reached their destination. “But verily, we have not,” they said. “For this is a sandwich shop. Whomsoever did program the CamelNav didst click not on Find a Manger but on Pret a Manger.” And they were sore afraid that they would now be late to the party but they had a Very Berry Smoothie and an All Day Breakfast sandwich anyway to keepeth them going, all except one who was fasting on the 5:2. And there was further wailing and gnashing of teeth.

They began again on their journey and the star grew brighter than a start-up screen in the darkness. And the Kings found themselves starting to marvel and feel happy, not least because they realised they could count their journey as exercise on their health-bands and earn themselves enough calories to cancel out half the smoothie they had just drunk.

The star grew lower in the sky, and larger, and the Kings hearkened to the CamelNav which told them they were 500 metres away and they became excited and afraid and worried about where to park so they didst use their SmartPark app and did feel awe at the cost.

They checked into the Stable, which had only a three-star review on TripAdvisor (“don’t go near the Frankincense”). And there they found Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus and they did put away their phones and just for once, did celebrate without recording it.

#HappyChristmas.

Stars of Wonder is on Radio 4 at 11.00 on 23 December 2015... or you can listen online for 30 days after broadcast.