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11 ways to avoid an argument this Christmas

‘Tis the season to be jolly. But after a month of festive parties, frantic present-buying and protracted overeating, many of us are over-tired and argumentative by the time we reach the big day itself. Throw into the mix a handful of family feuds, a dash of strong alcohol and a sprinkling of overtired children, and you have all the ingredients for an explosive row. In fact, a recent survey found that the average British family will have at least five arguments on Christmas Day.

So to keep the focus on peace and goodwill – and prevent a fight (or three) breaking out – follow these top, tension-diffusing tips.

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1. Make a seating plan

If you know Uncle Bob is going to press your buttons over dinner, moaning about the fox-hunting ban and the poor choice of plonk, then position yourself at the opposite end of the table. A seating plan can prevent any unnecessary friction during the Christmas meal – it’s just a case of knowing who to keep away from who.

2. Lay off the eggnog

We’ve all said things we regret after one too many mulled wines. That’s because alcohol causes chemical changes in the brain that can initially make us feel relaxed, but also reduce our ability to think straight. Professor McMurran, a psychologist at the University of Nottingham, explains that if we’re provoked when under the influence we tend to disregard the “consequences of rising to the bait. This can lead to violent reactions from people who would usually shrug things off.” If tensions are rising, swap your cocktail for a mocktail – and encourage others to do the same.

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3. Share the cooking

Preparing the festive feast is a huge job. Leave it up to one person and it’s likely that tempers will become frayed and sprouts will be thrown. One way of getting around this is to have different people taking responsibility for each course. Offer to take care of the cheese board, dessert or nibbles and take the strain off the head chef.

4. Set a budget for presents

With so many outgoings, money can be a tight at Christmas. And financial pressure can be a big source of stress and tension. To ease the pressure on everyone, agree on a budget for presents. And why not encourage homemade gift-giving? Options include jams and chutneys, a day of babysitting, or a guided pub walk around your local area.

5. Be grateful for your gifts

Be diplomatic when you’re unwrapping your presents. Be it a fish steamer, shoehorn or Star Wars bath mat – smile and say “its just what I always wanted”. It sets a brilliant example to all the kids. (And remember, you can always re-gift it next year.)

6. Embrace daytime dozing

Most of us are more grumpy and irritable when we’re tired. That’s because when we’re sleep-deprived our amygdala (the bit of the brain that controls emotions) becomes overactive, causing the prefrontal cortex (the bit which is in charge of logic and decision-making) to switch off. The result? We’re more erratic, emotional and likely to lose it over the Christmas pudding. To stay in control, try to get a good night’s sleep before the big day – and if you feel yourself nodding off in the Queen’s speech, don’t fight it.

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7. Channel your inner elf

Do something helpful: offer to do the driving, walk the dog, take the kids for a run around, or distribute the canapés. By mucking in and lending a hand you’re setting the bar for everyone else, and lightening the load for the people you care about.

8. Learn to let things slide

Pick your battles. Do you really care that much how the parsnips are prepared? Or what’s on the box? Grit your teeth and turn a blind eye. Also, avoid controversial topics like football, politics and who’s having the last After Eight.

Pick your battles. Do you really care that much how the parsnips are prepared? Or what’s on the box? Grit your teeth and turn a blind eye. Also, avoid controversial topics.

9. Take a breather

If things are getting a bit much, step in to the garden for some fresh air. Oxygen and sunlight are thought to increase the levels of serotonin released in the body, and more serotonin means a lighter mood and a more relaxed you. If getting outside isn’t an option, take a cup of tea and the paper to the cupboard under the stairs, or have a ten-minute phone rant with a friend.

10. Avoid a punch-up over Pictionary

It's fun playing Monopoly or a game of charades, but it’s a fine line between competitive spirit and outright aggression. Don't embark on a board game unless you're convinced that everyone will be able to get to end without crying, fighting or both.

11. Remember that Christmas is a difficult time for lots of people

Christmas is a time of unrealistic expectations and excessive self-reflection, with any issues in our lives coming starkly in to focus. It can be a really hard time of year for those who have lost a loved one, or anyone experiencing financial hardship, an illness or depression. A study by the Samaritans revealed that, amid pressures to be “merry”, nearly half of men admit that they actually feel depressed or sad at Christmas. Be aware of the needs of people around you, be patient, and if you’re feeling stressed or anxious yourself, reach out to someone.

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