Learning English

Eleven months old? No chocolate for you!

New parents have a tough time... they have to adapt to a life with very little sleep, with a new level of responsibility, and with one unexpected challenge: unwanted advice!

In this session we're going to read an article about annoying advice. Then there's a quiz which will test how well you understood, and how well you can use verb patterns.

To do

Read the article twice. The first time you read, try to answer this question: What does the author suggest your partner's parents mean when they say your child is hungry?

Read the text and complete the activity

For parents about to have their first baby, there will be many things in short supply – sleep, for example. One thing, however, that new parents will not be short of is advice.

Family, friends and even total strangers are always keen to pass on their worldly expertise. And you can’t escape the self-appointed ‘experts’ on TV, in books, and on the internet. Parents-to-be, be warned!

We all have those competent (often patronising), friends. You know the type. Their life is organized to an abnormal degree. The right school has been arranged since conception. Their babies have never cried or thrown up in the car. When you discuss weaning, potty training or getting babies to sleep, they make it clear that they know everything and you know nothing.

Then there are those whose own life is falling apart but who still offer to share their wisdom with you. They haven’t spoken to their own children for a decade, but they consider themselves relationship gurus. You haven’t asked them to advise you, but they drone on endlessly.

The in-laws are another minefield. Before the birth, they promised not to interfere, but at every opportunity they tell you that they know what your child is thinking: “I’m sure he’s hungry.” “I think he wants to sleep.” There is the unspoken implication you are not up to the job.

Don’t forget the internet of course. Trudy at the gym recommends reading the blog of an ‘expert’ living in a desert in Idaho, whose advice has the moral authority of a ransom note, whilst Rudy at bookclub suggests checking out the YouTube video of a French psychologist who is the latest craze. They’re on the internet, so their advice must be true.

And then there are the parenting books. Behind those covers with cute babies and toddlers making fairy cakes are hefty manuals worthy of army boot camps. Inside are lists of rules for everything – even advising you to open the curtains promptly at 8.23am.

But don’t despair. There are some useful bits of advice out there: they propose being realistic from the start, they warn you to forget having a social life; and suggest giving up such cherished ideals as never allowing your child to eat chocolate or watch TV before they are one year old. There are also excellent practical tips for new mums and dads: if visitors offer to make tea, accept; sleep when baby sleeps and forget the housework.

Perhaps the best advice is to ignore all advice and do it your own way.

Answer

What does the author suggest your partner's parents mean when they say your child is hungry? The author suggests that your partner's parents might be thinking you're not a good enough parent (you're not up to the job).

To do

Now it's time to look at the article in detail. Read it again and then answer the questions. They will test your general understanding and your knowledge of verb patterns. Good luck!

End of Session 3

In Session 4, Finn offers to look after a friend's young kids. He soon finds out how difficult it can be...