Paper Monitor

11:13 UK time, Thursday, 14 June 2007

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor does not like to point out spelling mistakes in its printed friends for fear of being accused of stone-throwing from the vantage point of a glass house.

But it really must draw the line at Kelvin Mackenzie’s error in his column in the Sun. For a former editor to write the word “phoarrr” is scandalous. It is spelt “phwoar”, as any Sun sub know, and as the BBC helpfully explains in a guide to its usage in conversation. You might even stretch to a “phwoaarr”, but to drop the “w” is heinous.

Worryingly the “phoarrr” is directed at the faintly terrifying Apprentice runner-up Katie Hopkins.

It is hard to say “phwoar”, while looking at the front page of the Independent ~~newspaper~~, sorry Mr Blair, viewspaper. The map of oil reserves perfectly captures the tone of a GCSE Geography revision guide, the latest in a series of similar poster fronts from the paper.

Over in the Daily Mail, there is rage.

There is rage at the “’elf ‘n’ safety” madness that is stopping a clown from blowing bubbles at children’s parties. Poor Barney Baloney cannot get public liability insurance. The newspaper carries the tragic sentence: “Mr Turner will have to rely solely on juggling and clowning to get the children laughing.” Cruel world.

Mr Baloney also features on the front of the Telegraph, although Paper Monitor's eye was immediately drawn to the Telegraph's current initiative to induct its readers into all things blogospheric. "MAKE YOUR OWN ONLINE NEWSPAPER" it invites us across its front page banner. "How to get started TELEGRAPH.CO.UK/MYTELGRAPH (sic)".

Hold on, what's that "crrrrrrracking" sound? Why this sudden shower of glass splinters?

There is much in the newspapers about measures to curb paedophiles, but perhaps the pithiest criticism is in the Sun, where there is suspicion Home Secretary John Reid is attempting to make a big noise before retiring to the backbenches.

“Is he serious about this – or just worried about leaving a legacy for tough talk?” asks Page 3 girl Ruth, 24, from Kent.